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Archive for the ‘Fat Food’ Category

I am really REALLY lacking motivation lately.

Like today? I had a cookie for breakfast. (8 points! So it was a GIANT cookie!) I had two little debbie snacks as a treat. (I don’t even know the points. I quit counting.)

I know the last few days I’ve been within my points. But I know it hasn’t been easy. I haven’t counted.

So tomorrow is my weigh day. And I’m being a wuss. I’m not holding myself accountable. I’m not weighing in.

But… tomorrow? I’m back on track. I’m logging. I’m exercising. I’m blogging. I am motivated. I am accountable.
Three Hundred Forty Six

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I just finished reading Secrets of a Former Fat Girl by Lisa Delaney, and one thing she mentions in her book is to make a list of your “Food Truths” or things that always apply to you and food. Then, she suggests working on two of them that are unhealthy.

Making my list was painful. It took three days, a few calls to my mom and nagging my husband to help me come up with a few! But I was pleasantly shocked to find out that I have a few that are somewhat healthy on there!!) I thought I’d share my list with you, as well as the ones I want to work on.

  1. Always drench (appropriate items) in ketchup or dressing
  2. If it’s a sit-down restaurant, an appetizer is a MUST.
  3. Beer and Mexican food ALWAYS go to gether
  4. Soda MUST be diet (I made this switch a few years back)
  5. If there’s bread, after everyone’s had at least one slice, I take seconds.
  6. NEVER, EVER, under penalty of death (by my mother) can I have the last of  ANYTHING! That is always reserved for someone else. (I still follow this, even just hanging out on the couch with Hubby at home!)
  7. Extra sour cream, if sour cream is needed.
  8. Loaded (Baked or Mashed) whenever it’s an option
  9. Extra cheese on my pizza please
  10. Always order mushrooms if they are an option! There is no better thing to add to any meat than mushrooms! (and occasionally onions!)
  11. At a meal, I always eat all of one item before starting another. (Unless it’s bread, that can be eaten pretty constantly!)
  12. I don’t drink Milk. (I haven’t since I was about 2 years old. I’ve tried; I just can’t.)
  13. Everytime I go to my hometown, I must eat at Runza, Amigos, Valentino’s, House of Hunan, Braeda and Goodrich (All junk food restaurants, all local, all yummy!)
  14. I love salsa, but only Pace Pecante sauce (and I NEVER eat the junks; just the juice!)
  15. I must (at all times) have a water bottle near by. Drinking water is one thing I’ve NEVER had a problem with.

So what am I going to work on? Which two? And how?

Always drench (appropriate items) in ketchup or dressing :: Dressing on the side (and I have purchased individual packets of fat free/low fat in my favorite varieties for when it’s not available!) and avoiding foods that need ketchup in the first place!

Extra sour cream, if sour cream is needed. Loaded (Baked or Mashed) whenever it’s an option. Extra cheese on my pizza please! Ok; so it’s really three. But why not all three at once? No more extras for me! If it doesn’t come with it; I don’t need it.

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Forgive my lengthy absence… I’d been spending some much MUCH needed quality family time lately. (And my spare computer time went towards my Microbiology mid term *yuck* )

I’ve been staying on plan! (I even had a night out at Applebee’s complete with beer; and still have a few flex points and all my activity points left!!!) I’m so anxious for weigh in this week; I’m just sure I’ve hit 5%!!!

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I am an emotional eater.

There. I said it. I can’t take it back now.

I’ve denied this for years. I told myself I didn’t hide with Ben and Jerry when I broke up with a boyfriend. I didn’t celebrate the Dean’s List with a celebratory dinner either. Sure, birthday’s and holidays were marked with big meals. But who doesn’t do that?

However, I’ve realized. I eat emotionally in other ways.

For instance. When I think of my hometown? I think of food. Sure, I think of my family and friends… but also in terms of food really. When I go home, I’ll go for pancakes with my childhood best friend. Burgers and Beer with another. My sister and I will hit up the Taco Joints. (Three of them; and in no particular order!) My parents will take me to the Buffett, and of course my favorite Chinese Restaurant. Ice Cream with an ex colleague. Bagels and Pastry’s with the people I worked at the YMCA with. (Yep; I taught fitness classes once… I gave gym tours. And I ate lots of Bagels and Pastry’s while I worked there!)

When I think of going home (to my adult home, not childhood) I also link it with food. That’s my chance to let lose, to break free of truck stop monotony. My favorite Mexican place, a local pizza joint and Captain D’s fried fish. I expect no less when I head home.

When I think of my best friend, I think of Subway (he owns one) and steak. (We always go to Outback when I stop by.)

My husband? Pizza, Nachos and Pasta.

My sister? Tacos.

My grandmother? Burgers.

My mom is mexican food.

My dad, couscous. (A little healthier right?)

It’s really that simple. I don’t think of emotions with food really. More the people.

Now, I need to find some new association with these people. These friends. Next time I go home, I can’t tie my visits on restaurants. Perhaps play dates? Fishing evenings? After (healthy) dinner walks. Maybe a jaunt to an old hangout like the roller rink.

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Photobucket Let me begin by apologizing. This very well could turn into a rather long rant entry.

This morning I came to the realization of why I eat the way I do. Essentially? Rebellion. Stubborness.  But let’s jump right in, shall we?

My husband and I get along great. We truly are best of friends. Most couples fight about money, not us. (Not really anyway.) We fight over food. Lately? Turkey Sandwiches.

I love Turkey Sandwiches. They are probably my second favorite food in the world. (Behind Taco’s!) My husband also loves turkey sandwiches. But… that’s where the similarities stop. (I know you’re scratching your head and wondering how the hell this matters to anything at all! Well, in fact. I have discovered that I believe it actually contributes a lot to my weight gain and my slow weight loss. Not the turkey sandwich exactly. But the principal behind it.)

Back to our fight over the turkey sandwiches.

(more…)

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Disgusted with me

After a few days following my points perfectly, I was adding up my points today and talking to my good friend Lis ( from atruckerwife); (She’s doing WW too; so we compare back and fourth sometimes…) when I realized something. I realized just how much I have to eat to stay as fat as I am. (Or even worse; how fat I WAS!!! )

I get 38 points per day (breastfeeding really bumps it up there!) and most days I really have to fight to get 35. Now that I’m watching what I eat. (Of course, the times that kill me are the dinners out with beer and wine and… OYE!!)

So I was inputting my lunch (I didn’t have breakfast because my only option was a cold can of Progresso Soup or Gerber Biter Biscuits) and as of 3:30 this afternoon I have 28.5 points left for the day. *eek* I had to check, double check; triple check. Heck; I almost took a screen shot and to have Lis check for me.

So today was sort of inspiring; in a disgusting way.

I’m so doing this! I’m so losing weight! (Ok; I haven’t really lost any weight yet… at least that I know of. I need to weigh myself soon.)

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Frustration

I’m having one of those days.

A “I feel like this is never going to happen” day.

I tried talking to my husband about it. But, I realized long ago that weight loss is not something I can talk to my husband about. He is a wonderful man, and my best friend. But… his mentality towards weight loss is not one I can even pretend to agree with. Not even for a half an hour.

We’ve been through a lot together. We were skinny, we got fat, he got thin. He got thin.

Now, I greatly admire him for having done this. Please, don’t ever think I don’t.

But his way is so not my way. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I know that. He doesn’t.

He doesn’t understand why eating Subway every day. EVERY.FREAKING.DAY. Gets old for me. Why I give up quickly and run into the gas station and grab a candy bar. When I’m not even hungry. It’s because a person can only take so many Turkey and Ham sandwiches before losing their mind. (Of course, living in a truck and only having access to truck stop food makes things a bit more difficult.

So tonight, I brought up this frustration with him. Like an idiot. I know it’s not going to change him. I know he’s not going to understand me. But, I brought it up anyway.

He got frustrated. I got pissed off.

So here I am. Blogging about it. Maybe this is just the way I need to do it. Because while I know he wants me to succeed, he just doesn’t get that is way is not the only way. (He gets that from his dad.)

So… here goes. Where I should have started.

I’m frustrated. I’m feeling like this is never going to happen. I’m feeling like maybe I’m not meant to be thin. Like this fat, annoying, self loathing person is who I’m stuck being.

The logical me knows this is crap. The logical me knows that I can do this. That I will do this.

The insecure me? Wants to grab a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, drive thru Taco Bell, and spend the night on my couch in defeat.

So that’s where I am today. The ups and downs. Today? Down.

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