It’s been bad. Real bad.

Three days ago, I hopped back on.

Honestly? I don’t know if I gained. I don’t think I did. Not too much. (Living on the truck; there’s really no room for a scale and so I only weigh myself when we go home… and we haven’t been there in about 7 weeks…)

But, I’m back at it. With a different attitude than before. I can’t really explain it; but my mind set is in a different place.

For three days, I have successfully controled my hunger. My binging. I’ve eaten healthy; avoid junk. No bad, sneaking snacks.

So tha’ts that. I’m back on the wagon. Back in the Saddle.

Also; thought I’d post a “current” photo! (It’s about 2 weeks old…) So; somewhere around 200 pounds! Size 17!! (I just tried them on in the fitting room; bought a ton of outfits in NORMAL size clothes!! No “Womens” for me!)

I am so so so so so so so sorry that I have neglected you.  It was never my intention to drop you by the wayside, and I feel horrible for it. You see, recently an old blog friend came into my life and I have been spending my few free blogging minutes with her. We were doing all sorts of healthy things together, like a trip to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo! (Where you are literally hiking up a mountain to get to the next exhibit!!) I also was exploring the daredevil in me, my husband convinced me to buy a motorcycle (for him) and then I decided since I spent so much darn $$$$ on it, I was going to learn to ride it. (Don’t worry though, I have ordered my helmet!) 

I desperately want to apologize for neglecting you, I promise never to do that again. After all, you are truly my bestest friend in my weight loss journey.

You should be proud of me though! At my weigh in today, I hit 200 pounds! So next week at my weigh in, I should be in “Onederland!!!” Also, as of today it’s 13 days without a single drop of soda!

Until next time, (which should be soon!)

Fat Girl

I gave up soda. Just cold turkey. No more.

I’d been justifying it for awhile, that it was diet. But honestly? I don’t want my little girl to get into the habit of always needing soda. (I would much rather she never drinks it at all!)

So… wish me luck! (Since soda was my only caffiene; I am a bit nervous about withdrawl headaches!)

Like today? I had a cookie for breakfast. (8 points! So it was a GIANT cookie!) I had two little debbie snacks as a treat. (I don’t even know the points. I quit counting.)

I know the last few days I’ve been within my points. But I know it hasn’t been easy. I haven’t counted.

So tomorrow is my weigh day. And I’m being a wuss. I’m not holding myself accountable. I’m not weighing in.

But… tomorrow? I’m back on track. I’m logging. I’m exercising. I’m blogging. I am motivated. I am accountable.

 

I’ve decided that when I finally lose enough weight? I want an embarassing photo of me!

If you follow me on facebook then you know that I rarely post anything other than a face shot… unless someone is blocking me!

The reason for this? I used to be skinny. And when I was skinny? I thought I was fat. (Like the photo there? I was about 140 and I almost refused to take that photo for my Sr. Portrait because I was too fat!)

I love facebook. Mostly because I’ve reconnected with so many friends from right after high school. (I’ve often said that the best time of my life before becoming a mom was the years I worked at Summer Camp, so finding those people has been a dream come true!)

But I’m embarassed. Horrified that the girl they knew, the “Fat Girl” who weighed 140, 150, eep! Even 160 was now really, truly a FAT GIRL!

Today I was “Friended” by a girl who had been one of my best friends the two years after high school. (My Pre-Colorado years; before I gained all my weight!) I was looking at her photo album and I found myslef in awe. I remember when she was the Fat Girl in our group… when she joined Weight Watchers (which apparently, it worked for her!) and I was ashamed of myself for how I’d thought she used to be so overweight.

Now? I’m thinking to myself “Geez, I wish I could get to where she was when she was fat!! At that point? I’d be thin!”

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m finding facebook inspiring. It’s making me want to push on with my weight loss. Be a better person. Be the me I used to be.

Maybe then I can go to a reunion with my old friends!

So this is my list of things I’m going to reward myself with. Things I’m going to do when I get skinny!

When I get Skinny, I am going to…

1. Get a makeover at the mall (including learning to wear makeup, buying makeup, etc)
2. Wear a pair of heels with jeans
3. Buy my ferrari handbag
4. Purchase a SUPER cute Motorcycle Jacket (For the motorcycle that Hubby is buying in 2 weeks)
5. Spend a day at the spa
6. Dye my hair (something funky)
7. Get a tattoo (this is a “maybe” )

I was PERFECT on plan this past week. Absolutely perfect. I even got a bunch of Activity Points that I never used!! I avoided snacking when I wasn’t truly hungry. Tried to make healthy choices. And… it paid off!!!

I lost 1.6 pounds to reach my 5% goal!!! (Since restarting WW of course!) It also marks 30 pounds total loss since I started this journey (pre blog) in November (I started at 237)!!! (Of course, before I got back on WW it was a roller coaster journey, lose ten, gain five, lose ten, gain five… )

So after an absolutely fabulous week, I’m inspired and ready to keep going on Weight Watchers! I’m so going to lose this weight; and it’s finally feeling like a reality.  I can do this. I will do this!

*And now; I’m off to update my goals page!! I can cross one off!!*

Making my list was painful. It took three days, a few calls to my mom and nagging my husband to help me come up with a few! But I was pleasantly shocked to find out that I have a few that are somewhat healthy on there!!) I thought I’d share my list with you, as well as the ones I want to work on.

1. Always drench (appropriate items) in ketchup or dressing
2. If it’s a sit-down restaurant, an appetizer is a MUST.
3. Beer and Mexican food ALWAYS go to gether
4. Soda MUST be diet (I made this switch a few years back)
5. If there’s bread, after everyone’s had at least one slice, I take seconds.
6. NEVER, EVER, under penalty of death (by my mother) can I have the last of  ANYTHING! That is always reserved for someone else. (I still follow this, even just hanging out on the couch with Hubby at home!)
7. Extra sour cream, if sour cream is needed.
8. Loaded (Baked or Mashed) whenever it’s an option
9. Extra cheese on my pizza please
10. Always order mushrooms if they are an option! There is no better thing to add to any meat than mushrooms! (and occasionally onions!)
11. At a meal, I always eat all of one item before starting another. (Unless it’s bread, that can be eaten pretty constantly!)
12. I don’t drink Milk. (I haven’t since I was about 2 years old. I’ve tried; I just can’t.)
13. Everytime I go to my hometown, I must eat at Runza, Amigos, Valentino’s, House of Hunan, Braeda and Goodrich (All junk food restaurants, all local, all yummy!)
14. I love salsa, but only Pace Pecante sauce (and I NEVER eat the junks; just the juice!)
15. I must (at all times) have a water bottle near by. Drinking water is one thing I’ve NEVER had a problem with.

So what am I going to work on? Which two? And how?

Always drench (appropriate items) in ketchup or dressing :: Dressing on the side (and I have purchased individual packets of fat free/low fat in my favorite varieties for when it’s not available!) and avoiding foods that need ketchup in the first place!

Extra sour cream, if sour cream is needed. Loaded (Baked or Mashed) whenever it’s an option. Extra cheese on my pizza please! Ok; so it’s really three. But why not all three at once? No more extras for me! If it doesn’t come with it; I don’t need it.

Forgive my lengthy absence… I’d been spending some much MUCH needed quality family time lately. (And my spare computer time went towards my Microbiology mid term *yuck* )

I’ve been staying on plan! (I even had a night out at Applebee’s complete with beer; and still have a few flex points and all my activity points left!!!) I’m so anxious for weigh in this week; I’m just sure I’ve hit 5%!!!